1) What are comps.

Before we talk about how to get comped in Vegas what the hell are comps and why do we want them?

Comp: complimentary. As in a free, gratis, no strings attached. Designed to let you know your casino loves you “thiiiis much”

Also designed to keep you loyal and your ass in front of a slot machine pumping those bills in and feverishly hitting the spin button in a forlorn hope to recoup the last bill you stuffed in there.

Hopefully in this series of inane blatherings you will learn everything you do and do not want to know about comps. We may take a few side trips along the way to flesh out the full picture.

First let’s set the ground rules so we know what we are talking about.

Rule the first: Follow the Money. When you get down to it this is and always will be a business to the casino(resort, hotel, money grabbing entity) and a losing proposition to you. But hey, it’s fun and we might as well grab some free swag while we are on the train to losertown.

Point B: Throughout this dissertation of disaster I will be mainly talking about gambling at slot machines. I personally don’t partake of gaming at the tables being the crusty old antisocial beard face I am. We may take a tangent to discuss how table games differ(usually for the worse) in scoring those sweet sweet comps. Under the slot machine umbrella we will talk about the sisters and brothers. Video poker, keno, and most other casino games that are solely controlled by a random number generator or RNG. Again there are a few differences. Depending where you are gaming they may be treated totally different(or even ignored like the table games are to some extent)

Tertiary Adjunct: Assumptions will be made and things will be approximated. There are too many unknowns and shady areas the casinos don’t want to tell us. Generally we will be looking at order of magnitude differences (what if I gamble $100 or $1000 or $10,000. Differences in hold between .1% 1 % and 10%). If you are looking for the answer to “I gambled $983.42 can I get a comp for a filet mignon dinner or do I have to settle for the strip steak”. You are out of luck. We are after the bigger fish here. The what, why, when, how of comps.

Point the last: There be dragons here. We are going to look at the truth of the situation with no apologies. You may learn things that diminish your fun in gambling and receiving comps. It may make you re-evaluate your gambling behavior. It may make you rage on the internet about how everything here is all lies and untruths(because, internet) Spoilers about the man behind the curtain abound. In the end knowing how things work should put you in charge to make informed decisions about what is right for you.

And now, on with the show.

2) Why are comps.

Not why do you want comps, of course you want that ruby, double platinum, triple unobtanium club card that gives the inalienable right to bully helpless employees, wave magically in the air to make crowds part and turn all the pretty girls’ heads.

Why would the casino hand out that dangerous power to mere mortals… for free!!!

Of course the answer is because you are so special and cute and lovable.

BZZZZZ!!!!! wrong answer.

Invoking rule alpha: Follow the Money.

Corollary 1: Giving you comps(free stuff) makes the casino more money.

Casinos are not foolish. Well they kind of are, but not about money. They will do everything that is legal to increase the house edge(hold), keep you there longer, spending more money. To get you to return to them and not that dirty wicked casino across the street.

Where do you think money comes from trees? (please say trees…) Trees(thank you). You are the tree that money grows on for the casino. They will water and feed you even as they are harvesting your cash.

So why are you letting them take your money… money tree person thing?

Because it is fun to sit there winning money while getting free beer, food, hotel rooms. I even hear they will give you free money to gamble with.

Yep, we shouldn’t gamble and we definitely shouldn’t gamble to get comps.

But you know you are going to gamble and admit it you are going to gamble chasing after comps aren’t you… Come on, admit it you are aren’t you…

It’s wrong and deny it if you want but, casinos are not wrong.

Comps work. That is the why of comps.

3) What are comps.

Oops already used that section title, try again….

3.1 revised) What counts as a comp.

I know this is a lot of basic information before we get to the nitty gritty of

“SHUT UP AND GIVE ME MY COMPS ALREADY DAMMIT!!!”

I have seen so much misinformation and lack of knowledge about comps around. I think the essentials are in order.

The one thing that finally got me off my lazy ass to write this was somebody posting the paraphrased question:

“I went to the casino and I lost $500 dollars, that’s fine, it’s gambling. My buddy said I should have been comped a free room for that. Am I getting ripped off by the casino?”

Not a bad question at all, a damn fine question and I watched person after person try to help out with the answer. They failed miserably to make this person any wiser.

Not through malice or lack of knowledge on the people providing answers, but because the amount of information needed to answer that question is astounding.

The person is asking a good relevant question, but they are asking the wrong question, the wrong way, to the wrong people and have gotten misinformed by someone as to what to expect. Misinformation abounds.

Sorry about the side track but I did warn you.

Back to what counts as a comp.

Simply put, anything you receive of either tangible or intangible value. That you have not forked over your hard earned cash (or dead plastic credit cash) for can be considered a comp.

Hold on there don’t tar and feather me yet internet. I am not saying that all of those things are tracked by the casino as a comp or that the casino decreases your comp value for being offered or taking advantage of some of them. Just that you need to change your mindset. The casino is a different world where not everything is always as it seems. Follow the money.

If a casino has a free beverage station for soda and coffee. They damn well sure have accounted for the cost of running that station down to the last stir stick and employee minute spent cleaning. If they see you abusing that comp and taking 5 gallon buckets of coffee out of there AND they do not see your value as a gambler offsetting that. They sure as hell will back you off and ask you to stop abusing the comp or it will be taken away or worse.

That might seem a little trivial but you just need to remember in Vegas everything is a transaction.

BTW I probably should have also stated in the beginning that when I talk about casinos I am talking about Vegas casinos (and to some extent Reno, but I am no Reno expert). As local run state and first nation casinos are very different about comps, comps there range from minimal to non-existent. Mainly because they have little if any competition and if they build it you will come.

This is getting long, take a break any time and get a snack. I’ll wait.

Ok, but what can I get? Well you can ask for anything. If you are bold enough and just as boldly the casino can tell you to fuck off.

Remember it is all a transaction, your value to the casino vs the cost of the comp.

Traditional comps: (non-inclusive list)
Room

Food

Beverage

RFB — which while standing for Room Food Beverage is vastly different from getting a room, food, or beverage comped. Confused… oh you will be (Hint: it is a secret code. Which unfortunately in this day and age is getting pretty much reserved to the Whales)

Free play

Resort credits

Parking

In resort show tickets

Ass kissing

Less traditional comps: which are hard to get.
Airfare

Off site tickets

Loss rebates

Private in room gelato trough

Toilet paper upgrade to goose down (uhmmm Janet… what the fuck happened to
the duvet)

Anything your heart desires if you are worth it to the casino.

3.2 free and marketing

There are some things that truly are free and other discounts provided for marketing purposes.

These are good if there is anything there you want. They do not diminish your comp value and are generally just considered cost of business or come out of the marketing budget.

Things like 2 for one coupons for buffets, 20% room discount that is offered to anyone. Anything offered with the base level(cardboard) players club card, you pay for that one with your contact info.

How do you tell the difference? If they are offered to anyone including non-gamblers, then I consider it free.

4) How do I get comped in Vegas

See we are asking better questions already. Instead of I lost $X money why didn’t I get comped, we know we have to earn our comps.

Of course nobody here is trying to earn comps by gambling are they? Of course not (liers)

I’ll give that joke a rest for a while.

Fact you may not want to hear:

Comps are earned with… Money $$$

What… you mean the free things they… are… not… free? “Sob”.

All this reading, and this is what I get, it’s all a big lie?

Yep, It’s Vegas Baby.

Ok that is pretty rough, think of comps as a rebate, everyone likes a rebate
right?

That really is what comps are, a rebate of some of your money.

Ok, I spent $10,000 in Vegas. How much do I get back? Well in sort of general terms you know not exactly but considering all the factors… oh fuck it $0.

Yep you get $0 cash back (yes, loss rebates technically but how many of you have gotten more than $1 cash in loss rebates.)

I stand by my $0 cash back statement. Unless you are a whale or so annoying that someone throws you some cash to get rid of you, it is $0.

What you do get back are comps. Rooms, food, free play. That has a certain value, who sets the value… the casino of course.

Wait a minute, free play? That is like cash.

Sure just take that free play voucher to the cage and cash it in. Go ahead, I’ll wait right here.

So what did you get… did they laugh at you? It’s ok.

So how much comp value do I earn for my money? Well down the rabbit hole we go, when I said you earn comps with money there is a very specific type of money that earns comps (for RNG games) “Coin in” Coin in is very specifically how many dollars you have wagered, note I said wagered not lost. Put a buck in the machine and hit spin you now have $1 coin in. Let’s say you won $1 on that spin. Now you have a dollar in your hand and $1 in coin in. Try it again, wager that dollar and you now have $2 coin in and if you won you still have that dollar.

That $2 coin in is real and has nothing to do with the dollar still in your hand other than you had to risk it (twice) to earn that $2 coin in.

Coin in is how much money you have risked at the casino.

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Hey wait I didn’t sign up for this, what is this, quantum physics 101?

It is not as bad as it sounds. For example you sit down at a machine and wager $100, not lose $100 or win some amount. But actually hit spin on $100 worth of wagers on this machine. You now have a $100 coin in. the casino cares about the portion of those wagers that on average they will keep. In the case of this machine lets say they expect to keep(hold) 10% of the wagers on average.

so $100 * .10 = $10

Congratulations you are now the proud owner of $10 in theoretical losses or as us pros say THEO.

Great so you get $10 dollars in comps right? Well no, that is the total amount the casino expects to make from you. They are not going to give it all to you as they would make no money and go out of business. But they will give you a portion of that (so comps are a portion of a portion of a portion of your money)

Actually just 30% of your THEO is what you can expect.

Hey I heard it was one third not 30%.

Go back and reread chapter 1, approximations are the rule of the day. I am not going to multiply all my examples by .333333333333333333 just to make it an “even” third.

Plus it varies from casino to casino from host to host and depends on the barometer reading at your latitude.

.3 is good enough.

Back to our story. Yep your comp value is $3. Just 3 bucks.

So back to the person who asked the question of why he didn’t get comped on his $500 loss. Well if he just bet it all on one spin/play he earned $500 coin in. Lets say at the same .10 hold so he earned $50 THEO of which his comp value is roughly $15.

Just because he actually lost $500 means nothing to the casino. They just don’t care about actual losses.

I know that is a tough nut to swallow… crack… crack and swallow. But it is reality.

Starting to see why his question was hard to answer and how unsatisfying it can be?

But more on how not to earn comps in the next exciting part.

5) How not to earn comps.

How about a nice easy one this time. Famous last words.

Comps are not a gift or a right. They are an incentive and if the incentive is ineffective the casino won’t give you comps (comps not marketing)

This should be simple because we already know the only way to earn comp value is to put coin in. Anything else just won’t cut it. If you want to fill up that big old bucket with lots of comp value put more coins in.

So sweet talking, wheedling, begging employees ain’t going to fill your bucket. You might talk your way into a discount or freebie but it will not put comp dollars in your bucket.

Same for complaining, bitching, and being a general asshat. No comp dollars for you.

Being the life of the party, good tipper, and general sweetheart don’t cut it either.

Now the biggy that we alluded to in the last chapter. Actual losses.

You would think that actual losses would be the king of the comp arena but no. I have heard of a few experiments on basing comps on actual losses instead of theoretical losses but have never seen one in the wild, if any still even exist.

So why do casinos use THEO. Because it works. Think about it, if casinos started giving you back money you had actually lost, where would they make money?

This is not bad news If they only added comp value when you lost you would get nothing when you win. Just think about that, because casinos don’t care when you lose, they also don’t care when you win.

WHAT! Yep I saved that big cracker jack prize for deep into this series.

Not only do casinos not care when you lose they don’t care when you win and will comp you the same based on your THEO, win or lose.

Again that is important to know to set your expectations. Take our $500 loser guy and make him a winner, he might have an assumption that now that he is a big winner guy the casino will comp him. Nope he still has crap all for THEO.

The only road to comps is THEO.

Again extreme examples aside, if you win a million dollar progressive the casino is going to suck up to you and do everything they can to get grubby little hands on that sweet sweet cash.

Whales break all rules, winners or losers.

Ok everyone hang on tight for the next two chapters. Illusions to be disenchanted, hearts to be broken, trousers to be soiled, trolls to slay (because… internet)

We are off to explore how gambling (RNG) works and why that is important to comps (Duh???) to be quickly followed by the gut punch of math, averages and statistics.

Did I just lose everyone… Hello… anybody out there…

6) How gambling(RNG) works and doesn’t work.

Remember I am talking about gambling on machines that are controlled by a RNG. Slots, video poker, keno. Especially in this chapter.

Although I hear that they are working on making dealt black jack as close to RNG as they can (how’s it going out there with the 1000 deck robot shuffling card shooting tables)

So we need to set some ground rules here. I am going to tell the truth and everyone out there is going to call me a liar, fraud, idiot, uninformed, smelly, beardy, knuckle dragging ape, shill, unbeliever etc…

so the truth is I am usually only 2-3 of those things at any one time and no my knuckles are not calloused (well not all of them)

VERITAS: Slot machine outcomes are 100% totally random at all times.

There is nothing you can do to influence the outcome of a slot machine. No amount of hitting, banging, slapping, rubbing, pleading, cashing in and out of tickets multiple times, applying of betting systems, progressive betting… nothing.

There is no system, no cheat, no hack, no code.

There is no luck. None at all, luck is not real, never has been never will be. You are not lucky, you never have been and never will be.

You are not due to hit a big one. What you see on the screen does not matter, the reels do not matter, that last bonus symbol just going buy does not matter.

I almost hit it is not a thing, you didn’t hit it, you didn’t hit it as soon as the RNG decided you didn’t hit it.

There is nothing but the RNG silently making up random outcomes faster than you can think… millions of times a second.

You press the button and you takes your chances.

Wait a minute, what about bonus rounds, I heard they are fixed outcomes.

Nope, still random. Some machines are set up so that bonus rounds are independent random events from the original random event that triggered them and some are just more window dressing and the original random event determines the outcome.

Either way they are totally random whether they are just a regular win gussied up to look like a bonus or an entry into another series of random events, the end result is the same.

Wow that is depressing, why do you gamble at all?

Because it is fun.

Just because I am a realist about what is happening and not happening does not mean I don’t like to sit there and press the buttons and watch the pretty lights and hope an improbable event might happen.

Quite the opposite. Because I am a realist about it, it takes the pressure off. If I don’t win it is not because I did something wrong or should have done something different.

I didn’t win simply because a winning event did not happen.

I find it refreshing.

Ok, how many people did I just piss off or lose them because they absolutely know I am wrong and luck really does exist.

Human beings are built by our very DNA to find patterns. So good we can’t turn it off and will find patterns in everything. Combine that with our ability to remember the good and forget the bad and you have the perfect unthinking gambling machine.

Go ahead and ask a psychologist.

Ok let’s say I believe you, what is your big secret how do you turn it off and look at it objectively.

I can’t. I don’t think most people really can.

But what I can do is not trust my instincts and instead trust something that never fails and is always right. Math and statistics.

That should be fairly uncontroversial. I know some people still believe the earth is flat and we never went to the moon, but I don’t know of many people that don’t believe 1+1=2 go ahead, give someone one apple and then another and ask how many apples they have.

So how does gambling work?

Nope…

So how does RNG based slot gambling work?

You make your wager and press the button. When you press the button the RNG spits out well… a random number. The slot then looks that number up in a list and pays you what that list says to pay you.

All of the spinning reels and blinking lights and fancy bonus rounds are just window dressing.

Make a wager, get a number, look up number, pay wager.

Again Vegas style slots. Not class II bingo machines and don’t even get me started on Washington state’s TLS(tribal lottery system) slot machines correction pull tab machines.

As you can see there is no history, no memory there. Totally random number looked up on a fixed pay table. Lather rinse repeat.

Which means that every wager is a 100% independent event. You could win 100 jackpots in a row, you could lose 1000 times in a row.

I keep hammering on this because it is important. There is no memory or history no cross off that jackpot on the pay table as we already gave it out.

(Grrr… Washington TLS machines are the exception, hit a prize and the machine
crosses it out never to be won again until the machine is reloaded. If you
have any choice in the matter never play any slot shaped object in Washington
state)

7) Averages

Casinos live and breathe on averages.

Eventually everything averages out.

Let’s build a slot machine. A simple slot machine, one with a really crappy payout.

The first thing we need is a pay table. Now this paytable is not what is on the glass of the slot machine or in the help screen. That paytable is for show and does not matter(for slot machines, for VP and keno it really really matters)

This is the internal complete paytable, the one that looks up which number pays what. Modern slot machines can have 10s of millions of payouts or even billions of payouts.

Our slot machine will have 4 payouts.

• 1 pays 0
• 2 pays 0
• 3 pays 1
• 4 pays 2

If you know what the paytable is you can calculate the hold. Since each line is equally likely to be chosen by our RNG we know this machine will pay 0 on a one or two 1 for line 3 and 2 for line four for a total payout on average of 3 units every 4 spins.

so every 4 spins the player should get 3 units and the casino keeps 1 for a hold of 25%

Now you should never encounter a slot machine with a 25% hold (unless Washington). Hold in Vegas of 10%-15% seems to be average for penny slots. Holds for keno vary widely in some cases devastatingly so. A keno machine with a bad pay table in a casino that tracks theo based on the actual machine pay table can generate comps blindingly fast. It can also eat your shorts in one bite. Good VP pay tables can be amazingly close to 0% hold with holds in the range of .2-.4% yep 99.8% RTP. They also generate THEO at a glacial pace. If you want comps on a VP machine with a good table you should either be betting incredibly large wagers or wear a gambling diaper. As you are gonna be there a while (probably both).

Let’s take our slot for a spin.

First spin the RNG spits out a 4 so we look it up and line 4 of our paytable says to pay out 2 units.

Second spin we get another 4 so we win another 2 units

we get a 3 next for 1 unit

then a 1 for 0 units

So in our session we spun 4 times wagered $4 in total and won $5 or did we? Remember the machine keeps our wager win or lose. We could have done this session with 1 coin. Put that coin in and the machine spit out two and kept our original, or as some people like to think of it, the machine returned our original coin plus an extra one, whatever. We now hold 2 coins, put one of them in, the machine keeps it and gives us another 2. We now hold 3 coins, put one of those in and the machine keeps it and spits back 1 coin to us we still hold 3 coins. Put another one in and the machine keeps it and gives us nothing. We now hold 2 coins.

So we started with 1 coin and now have 2. 1+1=2 so we actually only won one coin on that session not $5. In other words we paid $4 for the session and got $5 in total 5-4 = 1 our one coin winning.

Along the way we earned $4 coin in for our bucket-o-comps.

Our expected hold was 25%, the casino expected us to lose a dollar. Instead we won a dollar and still generated comps.

What was the hold on our session (session hold and return to player are generally meaningless but we like to look for patterns). We bet 4 won 5 so the casino had to dig in its wallet and give us one of their own dollars so they earned 4 and lost 5 for a hold of -25% or a RTP of 125%. This demonstrates how wildly short term returns can vary from long term averages.

And still they comped us. Huh? why?

Because the casino knows that on average over millions and millions of spins the hold will get closer to what the paytable says it will be 25%, and the casino will collect 25% of those millions of wagers.

That is why they do not care about actual losses and wins. They are playing the long game and our wins and losses are just bumps in the road that is slowly but steadily going up for them.

We talked about hold so we should probably talk about volatility.

The volatility index (VI) of a slot is a measure of how the RTP of a slot is distributed. VI is a little more difficult to explain in technical terms. Luckily it is easier to understand in real world terms. If a slot has a lot of losing or small wins in its paytable and just a few very large wins. Then it would be a high volatility slot.

If the wins are more evenly spread out and the biggest wins aren’t that big but there are more of them then it is a low volatility slot.

The VI of a slot does not change its hold% or RTP.

If a slot you play lets you recycle your coin in over a long period and keeps paying you small wins that keep you gambling for a long time it is likely low VI. Don’t expect to hit a million dollar progressive on a low VI slot.

If a slot has large explosive wins but you can easily tap out from a long series of losses it is probably a high VI slot.

Technically the VI describes the distribution of the RTP in the paytable.

here is an exaggerated simplified example:

slot 1 paytable:

• 1 0
• 2 0
• 3 0
• 4 0
• 5 0
• 6 0
• 7 0
• 8 0
• 9 0
• 10 9

That paytable describes a slot with an RTP of 90% or a 10% hold with a high VI.

Notice most of the outcomes are losers but man when you hit paytable entry 10 you get 9 units or 90% of the cost of 10 wagers. Drop 1 coin in that machine and hit entry 10 you just played a session with 900% RTP. What an explosive exciting slot. Of course the other 9 people that hit other paytable entries might describe this slot differently.

Slot 2 paytable:

• 1 0
• 2 1
• 3 1
• 4 1
• 5 1
• 6 1
• 7 1
• 8 1
• 9 1
• 10 1

That paytable describes a slot with an RTP of 90% or a 10% hold with a low VI.

I leave it as an exercise to the reader to imagine what playing that slot would be like.

So which should I play? If you are comp questing, lower VI slots are usually what you want. Remember casinos want high coin in and long play for comps. If you tap out on a high VI machine and lose your stake you don’t generate either.

Please note that both machines are 10% hold machines but the experience of the player will be very different.

Most youtube jackpot channels play exclusively high VI slots for a very limited amount of wagers (50 or a couple hundred at most). At a high max bet hoping for a bigger win. If they don’t get it they delete the footage and try again for that perfect youtube moment.

I would consider most multi line video slots in a casino as mid to high level VI. With probably over 50% of them being high to very high to ridiculously high.

How can I tell which is which? You pretty much have to go on experience and maximum payout. If the maximum payout is more that 1000-2000 times maximum wager it is probably high. If it is 5000-10000 times max wager then it is very high to extremely high.

The only real way to know for sure is to look at the PAR sheet for the slot (PAR sheets are kind of the programmatic blueprint of the paytable of the slot) it will be noted there. PAR sheets are guarded more closely than the actual hold% of the slot machine.

Generally the only people with access to PAR sheets are the slot manufacturers and a very few high level casino executives. Generally the ones who make the decisions on what slot machines to buy and what programs to install in them.

Again choose the machines you like to play and meet your needs for comp generation.

8) What casinos care about

We know casinos care about THEO but they also care about lots of wagers because more wagers make the average better for them. Conversely, more wagers make it worse for the player. Because every wager brings us closer to the average and the dreaded hold that is always in the casinos favor.

So does that mean you should bet big and have less wagers. No, yes, it doesn’t matter.

No, because I assume you want to gamble more than “put it all on black” well what else is there to do here in Vegas (lots and lots actually) but if you gamble big and lose you are done gambling for the trip.

Yes, because if you hit it big and walk away. It is the best chance you have to make money at a casino. Kiss your comps goodbye though. If you hit big enough. Just pay for what you want instead of being comped and walk away with the profit.

It doesn’t matter, it all averages out in the end because over your gambling lifetime you will end up close to whatever the average hold was on the machines you played.

Betting a smaller but reasonable wager as long as you don’t tap out and keep gambling small stakes over and over again you continue to build THEO and fill up your lovely comp bucket. You may lose it all in the end but it will take you more wagers while you continue to earn comps and who knows you might hit that progressive.

Do what makes you happy.

Casinos in general like players who play every day while they are there and they like players that make more wagers rather than less. Of course they like players who gamble more than players who gamble less.

They love you all but the ones they love more (more $s more wagers) get more comps.

9) So how much should I bring to gamble with?

Bring what you can comfortably lose. That is what everyone says. In some ways that is true, but in my opinion it is mostly BS.

Yes there are risks involved, just like that warning when you invest in the stock market, investing is risky and you could lose your money. Gambling is not investing. But going in with the attitude of losing is the wrong way to go about it in my opinion. Savvy gamblers know they will probably lose. But they are there to gamble.

I say bring what you can tolerate risking. But you are there to try and win. You probably won’t, but scared money doesn’t win. Corollary: Scared money doesn’t win either. Find the balance.

You still haven’t told me how much to bring. Yes I have, you set your stake. Now figure out what your goal is. Is it to chase comps or is it to get a big win then walk away comps or not. Is it to be degen and sit in the casino gambling 8 hours a day?

How many wagers do you need to meet that goal? Chasing comps require a lot of wagering, chasing a big hit fewer but your day could be over quickly.

I go about it in reverse.

For me my comfort zone is 2 3 hour gaming sessions a day over 3 days so 6 3 hour sessions I want more but that is as low as I will go for a trip to Vegas. I know from experience for a 3 hour gaming session I better not have less than 1000*wager in my pocket so I need 6000 wagers for my trip. In reality it is probably only half of that, but I don’t want to tap out as the length of time gambling is more important for me than wager size or big hits. Now I can figure out my wager size based on my tolerance for the possibility of losing my stake. Is a $2.50 wager big enough for me? That is a stake of $15,000.

Wagering $2.50 is a little low for what I want and I am unwilling to budge on time but a $30,000 stake is beyond my tolerance. Actually $15,000 is a bit too high so what should I do? I do what any good gambler does, I make a few compromises and assume it will be a good trip and I will win. First of all I said 500 wagers for each session would probably do it. Get rid of probably and assume it will do it.

So now I have $5 wagers for 6 3 hour sessions which I am comfortable with and a stake of $15,000 which is still high. I can’t lower my session stake of 500 wagers as the risk of tapping out becomes too high. So I change the hold%. All of this is based on my preferred slots that have a hold of around 10%. So I decide I will go as is but if my session stake drops to 50% I will change to $1 Video poker with a hold of 2%. There are some great machines in that range that have good payouts that I enjoy playing and I know from experience my stake will last at that level of hold. If I get some good VP hits and my stake goes back up I can go back to my preferred slots.

That gets my three day stake down to the $6000-$7500 range which is
manageable.

In all my trips this strategy has worked well most of the time. A couple of times it has not but that is the risk of gambling.

Hope that helps. Get to know yourself as a gambler and what you want out of it and you will find your sweet spot.

10) The comp bucket

Took us a while but here we are.

We now know what comps are — enticements given to players to gamble more and more often

How to fill up our comp bucket with sweet juicy comps — wager $s as much and often as you can.

How the casino decides how much to put in our bucket based on our gambling – coin in * hold * .3

What they don’t care about as far as comps go — actual wins and losses.

How RNG gambling works — duh it’s random, believe me or not.

How the law of averages works for and against you. — helps build comps at the risk of long term losses.

What you can get comped and what you can’t.

So now you know very roughly what is in your comp bucket and now you want to
redeem your comps.

Easy right. Right?

Little history lesson for the whippersnappers out there.

Back when we had to walk uphill in the snow to Vegas (both ways mind you) You sat down at a table or a slot and gambled and when you wanted to you cashed in. If you wanted a comp you had to talk to a person who had the authority to write you a comp, on a piece of paper no less.

That person might be the pit boss of the table you were sitting at or your host or maybe the manager at the front desk and ask for what you wanted. Hey can you write me a comp for dinner at the steak house? The pit boss would look you up and down, look at some hastily scribbled notes he made on how long you had been gambling and your average bet size, do some math in his head and hopefully scribble you a comp to the steakhouse. If you went to your host or someone else they would usually just call the pit boss to verify your play.
That’s why he was the boss. You then handed the comp to the restaurant and you got your steak.

You may notice I am unusually talking about table games. That is because in the pre-players club era table players got all the comp love and slot players were screwed.
The situation is reversed now with the slot players getting the electronic tracking love and the table gamers are getting shafted.

So now in the modern era accessing your comps means first fighting the electronic man. Every casino is different on how they do this but most have some sort of electronic automatic comp redeeming feature for common things like food. You earn points on your card that may or may not have any meaningful relationship to what is in your bucket and when you present your card wherever it is accepted and they deduct some amount of points. If you are out of points then no food for you.

You better believe those points do count for reducing the amount in your bucket. How much? Dunno. Comps are very much a dark economy even sometimes to the casino employees. The master control program looks at your play and doles them out according to its programmers whims.

One thing you can be pretty sure of is it is not the full amount of what is in your bucket. My feeling which is not worth much is that the total amount accessible through the players club is somewhere around 50-75 percent of what is in your bucket and there is no way anyone, even casino employees will get the computer to admit there is any more in there.

What you can access are the redeemable points whether they are named comps, comp dollars, express comps, credits, tier credits, or the aptly named “points”. You can also access free play, free rooms and discounts, retail discounts, gift clubs, cruises etc through the players club.

How do I access the rest of my bucket? Look at our history lesson above.

You need to talk to a person, specifically someone who has access and authority to look at your gaming history and the authority to give out those remaining comps.

A good place to start if you don’t have a host is the players club desk. A helpful players club person will help with anything available through the players club. Don’t expect them to have access to your gaming history. There may be one person in the booth that might have access and at some casinos the hosts live in the booth. The players club can get you in touch with a host if you warrant one. If you already have a host just go talk to them or the on duty host if yours isn’t in.

If you are checking out the hotel desk manager may have access to your history and I stress may. In my experience most don’t anymore and they will direct you to the players club.

Even if you don’t have a host don’t hesitate to find where they live and go talk to one. Most will take a minute to swipe your card and even if your play does not justify a full time host most will access a bit of whatever remains of your bucket and write off some charges. Remember if you haven’t filled your bucket there is nothing they can do. If there is only $50 left don’t expect them to write off $900 worth of room charges. If you know you should have about X dollars, ask them to write off one day’s resort fee. You will look savvy, the host will appreciate it. You might even get their card and be told to call them next time you book.

Congratulations you just asked for and received a back end comp. Back end comps are nothing more than a charge you have already incurred and are on the hook to pay for but they wipe it out. Front end comps are what is offered to you based on your play history.

Hosts are in no way obligated to give you anything and can deny you for any or every reason. Don’t argue with them. If you feel you are owed more, explain why based on your play (THEO) and accept the answer. They own the ball, the bat and the playing field. There is never any use in getting angry.

Don’t threaten to walk your business across the street; they know you can and don’t care. If you want to walk away just walk and see if they come back to you.

11) how big is your bucket

I want the big comps. How much do I need in my bucket for that?

Define big. No… define yourself. First as a gambler then you will know where you stand and what amount of bigness is achievable to you.

There is a wide variance in each group and everything is relative. I have seen people who think they are whales get absolutely crushed as a real whale comes by and eats them like the plankton they are. We are all plankton to them.

This is how I break it down in my diseased mind:

The types and habits of the subspecies homo gamblaurus degeneris.

The tourist:

The tourist is an odd creature known not so much by the size of the gambling stake secreted in the wallet but by the unfamiliarity of the surroundings and the rituals and customs of the region. They range from frightened creatures staring uncomprehendingly at the pay tables to clueless creatures desperately trying to stuff $100 bills into the club card reader slot to large offensive hulks splashing greens on the roulette layout.

They can be fun to watch, especially the baby giraffes. If you are up it is a great treat to watch them head home at 4am wobbling on long tired legs.

Be nice to the cute polite tourists. Pat them on the head and tell them “Yes, that is quite a wonderful win you have there darling. You should save that $3.20 for a rainy day” ignore the big offensive ones, or watch and laugh, the casino hold and the cruel mistress of averages will bring them all low.

Coin in: varies from a pittance to a mortgage.

Comp potential: slim to none

Little fish:

Whole shoals of little fish can be seen in the casino. They know and love gambling, they just lack the means to tackle the bigger prey of larger denom slots. Most have little knowledge of comps but will take any thrown their way. Some savvy little fish are degens and can work the comps better than anyone else. Beavering away filling the comp buckets with low volatility play, never over reaching, just grinding away.

Coin in: $100-$1000 a day

Comp potential: some food and beverages, discounted rooms and 2 for ones are the staple diet of little fish.

Big little fish:

lots of these about. The knowledge of gambling and comps vary widely. This group probably contains the highest percentage of fetishists of any other group. You can identify a fetishist by the strange rituals they perform. Rubbing and massaging a slot machine seems popular as does bringing small totems to decorate the machine. Most are inoffensive but some are problematic, especially the sadistic ones who slap and hit the machines in a vain attempt to influence the RNG. The vast majority of big little fish are people taking a gambling fling because it is fun and return to normal lives with happy stories of that trip to Vegas.

As usual there are the degens who at this level can really start to make hay with the comp system, with free rooms being the staple comp. There are rumors that some have enticed a hungry host to assist. Difficult but possible for the larger ones.

Coin in: $1000-$10,000 a day

Comp potential: free rooms, some food, some resort credit

Medium fish:

A smaller and very varied group. Can be hard to identify unless they are loud and noisy about it. Some continue to happily live among the little fish secure in their place. Others are nomads roaming anywhere in the casino sure of their footing. Some start a new life among the bigger fish as the new little fish in the big pond. Unfortunately few grow to be big fish as this is not their natural habitat but can live happily among them. Most have a basic knowledge of the comp systems and the degens among them can be truly terrifying in their use of it. There are rumors of penthouses being comped to the biggest of the medium fish.

Coin in: $10,000-$100,000 a day

Comp potential:free luxury suites, comped resort fees, food and beverage,
resort services (for example spas,show tickets) significant free play. hosts
are usually available. There can be problems of availability, not enough
suites during busy times.

Big fish:

The largest species you are likely to see on the main casino floor. Most live in the high limit pond, but some venture out to stretch their legs or play with others as it can get lonely in the high limit pond. Most are nice or at least inoffensive. But beware the aggressive ones as they bite and the casino usually sides with them. The rare rabid big fish will usually be dealt with quickly as the casino has no tolerance for anyone big or small who fouls the casino’s pond. Not much else to say, if you are a big fish you likely know it and if you don’t your host will tell you as the hosts of big fish have some discretion to offer larger comps.

Very few of the biggest fish are degens. If a degen grows into a big fish they either go back to being a smaller big fish or a large medium fish. If they stay big the degen mutation dies off and they become a regular big fish. Some speculate this due to them not having enough challenges to overcome. What use is there in being degen without trouble and strife? Some though have found new and even more degenerate challenges (private jet and helicopter transpo with a side of true RFB anyone)

Coin in $100,000-$1,000,000 per day.

Comp potential: Large amounts of free play (five figures and up) penthouses and villas not occupied by whales are available. While Full RFB used to be common for big fish it is now becoming rarer and is usually reserved for whales.

Whales:

Whales are normally housed in their own private casino pond elsewhere in the resort so as not to scare the regular visitors. Occasionally they will migrate down to the high limit room in the public areas to slum it up. To spot one keep an eye on the highest limit baccarat and blackjack table.

This it the stories of Vegas opulence the $10,000 bottles of scotch, secret private rooms and casinos)

Coin in: Well over a million a day. You better have a multi million line of credit as whales don’t tap out.

Comps: Private jet transportation, full all you can eat RFB, loss rebates come into play.

Mega whales:

The cream of the crop of the whales. When these beasts come to town the casinos get slightly nervous. The casinos can handle them but some of them can put a hurt on the casino it will feel. May play with the other whales but has the option of a personal casino experience. May bring their own personal playmates.

You haven’t seen one. Most casino employees haven’t seen one.
Coin in: ???

Comp potential: kind of silly talking about it. Loss rebates are the norm
and negotiated in advance. They own the private jet and helicopter that
transported them.

Kraken aka gamblor the destructor aka bak cthurat

There are rumors of rare terrifying beasts that walk the earth that strike fear in the hearts of every casino. If mega whales make casinos slightly nervous, one of these horrific kaiju makes the casino pants shittingly scared.

Smaller casinos bar the doors and pretend no one is home.

The first thing the casino does on being notified of an upcoming visit (other than the inevitable trouser accident) is call for help. While a mega whale can give a casino a black eye a kraken can destroy if not a casino then at least a casino CEO’s career and put them on a diet of bologna and mac and cheese for years.

Who does the casino call for help? The insurance industry to take out an insurance policy to protect against catastrophic loss. Maybe even another friendly casino to share in the action.

The next thing they do is negotiate a loss limit with the kraken. Yes the big scary casino that will toss a whale with enough provocation is negotiating at what point they will surrender. They will negotiate how much action they will take and how much loss they will endure before they tap out.

Coin in: All of it.

Comp potential: What’s the point. Uhmmm… casino pink slip.

Common subspecies. Mutations in the gene pool can bring about strange new species, some interesting and wondrous to behold, some annoying.

The degen:

Degens (degenerate gamblers) are a subspecies that occur in the main population, but are rare to nonexistent in tourists and in whales and above.

Degenerate gamblers are about the gambling (and the winning) but mostly just about gambling enough to quench the gambling thirst. Also the real thirst with plenty of lovely beverages. Degens love gambling, casinos, people who work in and visit casinos, rocks they find that look like casinos, casino drinks, casino food and comps. Oh they love comps. Big comps, little comps, eensie beensie tiny baby comps, drink comps, food comps, comped rooms are a much loved treat as are coupons 2fers, free play, tournaments and the balm that soothes all degens comped resort fees.

Machine denom doesn’t seem to matter to some degens, as one put it “gambling nickels is just as good as gambling quarters, when you ain’t got no quarters”

Degens can be a great source of information. If you can get their attention, if they say something that sounds like “canttalkimgamblinhere” that just means they are a tiny bit busy just right at the moment but they would be pleased to talk later after the law of averages stops rogering them with a prize winning leek.

Degens can have other mutations as well such as being savvy or being a morpher.

Savvy degenerate morphers usually adhere to a set of rules known as “The strict rules of parlay” to help control the morphing.

Degens have a weakness called “tilt” When a degen goes on tilt parts of the brain shut down and they go on the chase. Usually they are chasing a win to recoup a loss, or sometimes a specific hand or win like a progressive. It usually ends with achieving the win or more likely tapping out. Friends of the degen on tilt might try to apply several lovely beverages and kind words to the victim but it rarely works. luckily it is usually not fatal to the victims stake as they usually recover their senses before that.

Savvy:

Savvy gamblers have an inbuilt knowledge of the inner workings of casinos and gambling. They know the comp system and instinctively know what their comp value is. They can glance at VP or keno pay tables and tell what the hold is. Savvy slot players can guess with surprising accuracy what the hold percentage and how volatile a slot is, even though the designer of the slot has made it all but impossible to know that.

Morphers:

Morphers can instantly transform from one species to another based on how much money is currently in their possession. Unfortunately this tends to be involuntary without the exercise of extreme self control. If you see someone wagering $.40 a spin on slots then an hour later at $5 a spin then in the high limit room at $100 then back to $.40. They probably are a morpher.

We have all heard the tale of the small fish who morphed into a whale and back to a small fish in one day. “sardinis for everyone”

Fetishist:

discussed in big little fish above.

Screamer:

Screams at every win. Win $4, scream. Win $5, scream Win $40, scream… you get the idea. Usually travels in packs of three or four.

Sorry if you hated that chapter, but I had fun writing it.

12) What you can and can’t use your bucket for

Savvy gamblers know that not all things are compable either because it is strictly against casino rules or are not allowed or out of reach at their level.

Other things are compable but are out of the control of the humans at the casino and are firmly in the domain of the master control program. So don’t bother asking, you will be classified and assigned the comp by our evil robot overlords. You should concentrate your efforts where you can make a difference and on comps that are valuable to you.

Things you absolutely can’t comp:

Tokes: No, not that kind of toke. Tokes are Vegas slang for tips as in “don’t forget to toke your dealer”. So don’t charge a meal and the tip to your room and expect resort credits/back end comps to pay the toke.

Vegas pros charge everything to the room so it is available to be backend comped out of existence in case you have extra money left in your bucket at the end of the trip. But they toke in cash. Why? It just makes it easier for your host or whomever to take charges off your bill (or even wipe your bill out) without navigating non-compable tokes.

Why can’t I comp tokes? It is there to prevent you from colluding with the casino staff to get more comps. They don’t want you tokeing an employee $1000 in comped money in exchange for them giving you $5000 in comped free play. It used to happen.

That is also why officially hosts can’t/shouldn’t (gray area) take tokes. But don’t forget hosts love a thank you card with some greasy bills folded neatly inside.

Tokes deserve their own chapter (update: and now has one)but suffice to say however you personally feel about tipping, Vegas runs on tips.

You personally may have a no tipping policy (they are just doing their job why should I pay them, they get a paycheck) but you are in Vegas baby. If you don’t think the cocktail waitress dressed in 3 ounces of lycra and fishnet walking around in 6 inch spiked heels all day serving free drinks to asshats don’t deserve a tip you are a cruel cruel person.

Resort retail: either your casino allows this or doesn’t. If they do it is almost always some form of automated points transaction or resort credit scheme. Yes some casinos allow you to buy retail items at resort shops and charge them to your room or give them to you as a “gift” for your “loyalty” but you better believe that will eat a hole in the bottom of your bucket.

Off resort retail: Having the casino send someone out to buy some specialty item for you and pay for it. Nope. Yes, big fish and above can get this, as always the rules get wibbly wobbly at big fish level and positively bent at whale and above. This is a hard money comp and hard money comps are reserved for big fish and up.

Yet another interminable sidetrack. What are hard money comps? Some people call them hard comps but some people call things like comped rooms hard comps and things like line skips soft comps. Which I think is silly, that assumes that soft comps have no value while hard comps are something of value. Everything has a value whether it is a line skip or vip check in. A comp is a comp is a comp, hard or soft. It all comes out of your bucket.

I will refer to what we are talking about here as “hard money comps” to avoid confusion. In a regular comp everything stays in house. it is basically a bookkeeping transaction and more importantly the casino almost always gets a discount in obtaining the comp for you. Casinos don’t pay full retail for the room they put you up in. They get a negotiated rate from the hotel. That steak dinner, discounted. Front row tickets to a concert on site, discount.

In a hard money comp the casino has to pony up actual money to pay an outside vendor to acquire the comp for you. Casinos hate doing that. In some cases they won’t do that. That is why it is much easier to get comped tickets for a show hosted at your resort than a resort/venue not associated with your resort.

Airfare rebates: Nope, hard money comp. Recent development here: some players clubs now are offering airfare rebates if you get your card dyed to one of the highest tiers. So things can change.

Actual losses: Nope, hard money comp (you get the money instead of an outside vendor)

We have already covered most other things comps are used for.

Here is a strange one

Leave your comp on the table: Don’t use all your comps and let some go to “waste”

Why in the name of Satan’s diseased sphincter would any sane person do that.

Well it can be risky, but we are gamblers are we not? I would only suggest doing this if you have a host and are satisfied with the level of comps you are currently getting.

If you have gotten to know your host and have some level of trust in them it can build goodwill with them and lead to better (not necessarily more) comps. Your host may pay a little more attention and make sure more of your bucket is allocated to what you want and not to things you never use. they might give you a call and say “Hey I know you like show tickets, I just got the list of upcoming shows for the next six months, anything on here you want me to grab for you? It is social engineering in a nice kind way.

Then again don’t forget hosts are used car salesmen, even the nice ones. They may not even notice you left comps on the table. Like I said, it is a gamble.

But if you got what you wanted already and don’t feel up to conspicuous consumerism, give it a try, build up some good will for that trip you crash and burn on and have to tap out early.

If you don’t have a host, don’t bother. The master control program either won’t notice or won’t care.

13) Bucket rats.

So you expected to have $3000 in comp value in your bucket. You have accounted for your room, food, free play, etc… and you still should have $1000 in comp value left.

Hmm… let’s go talk to our host about that big $500 dinner/night club experience I’ve always wanted.

You walk into the hosts office all savvy and confident and ask for the comp.

Host clickety clacks on the keyboard and gives you the news. Nope, no can do you’re overcomped already, your bucket is empty. You may or may not be actually “overcomped” depending on how trustworthy your host is.

You slink out totally crushed and defeated and you redo the math. Really you should have more than $1000 in comp value left, where did it go?

Bucket rats.

Remember when I said everything has a value and everything comes out of the bucket. Well you ain’t the only one who knows that. These bucket rats come into the vault o buckets to steal a bit from every bucket to pay for their programs.

I think in the normal business world this is referred to as “overhead”

It’s only a little bit but the line of rats is endless.

So the director of marketing thinks it would be great to offer a “free” cruise to everyone who holds “hyper whiz bang butt cheek implant” level in the players club. He goes to the director of the casino and says,

“Hey, casino director I would like to offer a free cruise to every one of your players at the HWBBCI level a free cruise”

“Hey, that is a great idea marketing guy” says no one ever who has more than two brain cells.

“How are you going to pay for the cruises?”

“Well if you just let my ratty buddies in later tonight they can steal ummm… make a small withdrawal from each HWBBCI members bucket. Say… $500”

“Seems reasonable, $500 for a cruise”

“Well we know that only half the members are interested in cruises and only half of them can get the time off and afford the airfare and only half of those will book. We estimate only 10% of the members will actually take us up on our offer. So we will have $5000 available to pay for the cruises for each member that actually book.”

“So how much are you actually paying for the cruises?”

“$1000. Well, that doesn’t include the kickback umm… discount of $500 to the
casino from the cruise line for getting these players on to the cruise in the first place.”

“So you are actually paying $500 but you want $5000 from the players?”

“Well… overhead?”

Rats.

14) What color is your card?

The players club card. Good, bad or ugly you need one. It allows the casino to track your play which allows them to calculate your THEO. Which then fills your bucket and it is the reason that slots are the biggest earner of comps in the casino. It allows a frightening level of transparency to your gambling history. So get one, use one, and always make sure it is registered by the machine.

From our talk about how gambling works you know that gambling with or without the card makes absolutely no difference to whether you win or lose. It does not change the pay tables and has no influence on the RNG. All you are doing by not using it is robbing yourself of some comps.

Ah ha but if I take it out then I can hide my wins and losses from the casino. Then they won’t know it is me, I will be in super stealth mode.

Why would you want that? And no, they still know it is you. They still know the money in that machine is associated with you.

Ok I will cash out and stick the ticket back in. Now I am super stealthy.

No, they still know it is you. the ticket you cashed out has a unique identifier and they know that ticket was yours.

What if I printed the ticket then changed it for cash and put the cash back into the machine? I am stealthy now right?

I don’t know, maybe? The casino really doesn’t care and why are you bothering? The moment you put the card in again it will reassociate with you. Again all you are doing is robbing yourself of comps.

But I want to be a super stealthy X-man.

Go away.

Do you care what color your card is? Probably. Human beings like to be labeled and join a group. We are the diamond clan and the ruby clan are our mortal enemies. It makes you feel special. It is wrong.

Should you care what color your card is? probably. Higher levels can unlock some pretty important items. Free play multipliers, automatically comped resort fees, free no strings attached rooms with no play expectation.

Is it worth it to spend time and money to color your card to get those items? Probably not. It usually makes more sense to gamble like you want and build comps to get those things comped or back ended off your bill. Of course it is usually even smarter and cheaper to not comp them at all and just pay for them outright. How many dollars did you lose to get that $39 resort fee comped? $50? $100? $500? But all in all you were going to gamble that money anyway right? Might as well take advantage of the comp. Then again you got that card upgrade anyway so might as well use that rather than comp dollars.

How deep the rabbit hole is.

How do you color your card? Just gamble right? Fill the bucket. Depends on the resort Some are pretty straight forward. Gamble $10,000 earn 10,000 points and bingo a shiny new bronze 10,000 point level card.

Other resorts can make earning a new card level look like theoretical physics. You need 10,000 tear credits for the next level. But tear credits accumulate at a secret rate that may or may not be associated with coin in or may be associated with the hold% which may or may not be discounted or multiplied by a bonus amount. Add to this that the club card level is used heavily by the hotel/resort (not the casino) to give you perks. Since the resort can’t look at your gaming history they use your card level as shorthand as to what you deserve. leaving them somewhat blind.

Also the resorts cater to non-gamblers, they need a way to level up too so there is usually a mechanism to apply dollars spent at the resort to upgrading your card.

Which leads to the odd situation of guests holding the highest level of players club card without being a player at all.

This means that your player card level does not necessarily have any relation to your comp value. As non-gambling hotel guests have found out when they ask the host for a comp and gets treated like a nobody. they don’t want to hear about buckets or gaming days and what their THEO is. I am a boner-fide platinum plus member, gimmee.

The opposite is true. I have seen low card level gamblers get huge comps based on their immense THEO.

What do you get with your card color. Surprisingly there is usually a nice brochure with pretty pictures that

• spells out *(at the resorts discretion)
• exactly **(not exactly when not available)
• what ***(not so much what, but maybe what)
• you get ****(management reserves the right to not give you what you get)
  

15) Advantage and advantage players.

There is one last elephant in the room. Advantage play.

While it is perfectly acceptable and even prudent to take an advantage where there is one, some people take it to the extreme.

These are advantage players. Advantage players try to take advantage of the casinos. Casinos don’t like that.

Really? You can get an advantage on the casino? Tell me more.

No.

Well no specifics.

In general, advantage players wait and do not gamble until they see a situation that statistically puts their risk of loss lower than their risk of winning. Then they strike, playing as little as they can to make a profit then cash out and make a run for it.

In general they don’t actually make much and if you count all the time invested they probably make minimum wage or less if anything at all. Sounds like a miserable existence to me.

So why do they do it? Because they can, I guess.

You can understand why the casino does not like them. They gamble little so the law of averages does not get them, then eke out a small win and stop gambling.

For the most part they are hostile to other normal gamblers and an annoyance at best. Another reason why casinos do not like them.

They lurk around other players to see if they leave an advantage behind, an unused multiplier or some extra wilds about to come into play then grab the machine.

In some cases if they see you playing a machine that has an advantage they will try and get the machine from you. They might tell you another machine is better or just about ready to pay off. They may even threaten or wheedle you.

If you think someone is doing that, hit your service light and call security and let security know. Even if they leave, let security know what happened and they will id them from the footage. Nothing pleases security more than chasing down an AP like a dog chasing a squirrel and bouncing them. They may even come back and tell you thanks and regale you with tales of APs in such a hurry to leave they tipped over a trash can and got doused with sticky soda.

APs tend to haunt video poker with great pay tables and low holds where even a small amount of freeplay or small progressive can turn a machine to the players advantage.

16) Miscellaneous odds ends bits bobs rants raves and other sundry.

I know it was not a straight road getting here. So many things are intertwined it is difficult to decide what to cover 1st let alone 22nd, so I know things were a bit muddled at times.

Hopefully it helped and maybe re-reading specific chapters now you know what to look for will grant further elucidations.

Some definitions:

RFB: Room Food Beverage. A comp that allows you to charge vast quantities of food and beverage to your room and it is automatically comped. Mostly ruined by people taking advantage of it and taking home 10 bottles of Johnny Walker Blue for free.

Transpo: free ride from the airport to the casino and back provided by the hotel. Not to be confused with Flight rebate which is the casino reimbursing you for your plane tickets.

THEO: Theoretical loss. How much the casino expects to fleece you for.

Hold: how much of each average wager the casino expects to hold on to. For the really old schoolers Vig.

RTP: Return to Player. How much the casino expects you to keep from an average wager.

Actual loss: How much of your stake stayed in Vegas.

Baby giraffes: Young women usually tall and long legged. Seen leaving the resort in their tightest, shiniest, shortest dress. Stumbling around on their tallest spikiest heels like a newborn giraffe. They usually return early in the A.M. leaning on each other for support, spiky heels in hand.

other topics:

short playing your host/casino:

Short playing a casino/host happens when you accept an offer from a casino based on your past play history and don’t play up to that level. This most commonly happens when you have a bad trip and your coin in suffers badly and you tap out. This isn’t really short playing, it is just a bad trip and most hosts will recognize this and understand. Even then it may impact future offers. Some casinos have forgiveness built into the system and one bad trip will not impact future offers. If you have a host let them know you had a bad trip and nothing much should happen. They can tell it was unintentional because your actual losses will be the same or higher than the last trip. One of the few times actual losses come into play. Don’t expect any back end comps.

Real short playing occurs when you accept an offer and intentionally don’t play up to expectations. Again this can happen for innocent reasons. Maybe you have an event to attend over a couple of days and will be unable to gamble. Again let your host know what is happening and explain the situation. This may still impact future offers.

If you really don’t want to impact future offers a good solution is to book somewhere else. Not a bad idea to build some history with another property as a backup. Especially if you can still gamble some. You will have smaller offers there, but will have some flexibility and opportunities to book back to back for longer trips.

If you continue to short play the casino your offers will dwindle away to match your play level.

burning your host/casino:

The nuclear option of short playing. Burning a casino means booking an offer with no intention of gambling there at all, except to run any free play you have through a low volatility low hold machine once and cashing it out. You then gamble or stay at another casino while using up any and all food, beverage, points and resort credits at the original casino. Usually entails sneaking
about trying to avoid that awkward encounter with your (ex)host.

Usually employed when walking your business to another casino with no intention of ever returning.

Think long and hard before burning a casino. Are you sure you don’t want to keep them as a backup? It will take a lot more coin in to get back into their good graces than you will earn from burning them.

If the casinos forgiveness policy is strong you may be able to burn them two or three times in a row.

Booking flights, rental cars:

Now this is just my opinion, but I am of the firm belief that this is correct. Always book anything directly with the vendor. Never use a third party to book something.

Screw booking.com, expedia, travelocity, every single one of them. and all the other vultures that advertise cheap rates while hiding other fees. You will always get the best deal directly. Even your first casino trip should be booked directly. Packages are never cheaper. Booking agents are for terminally lazy people who don’t know what they want. Do a little research on your own and save some money. Remember, Follow the money. Third party bookers do it for the money and the money comes from somewhere. Guess where.. yep, from you.

This is getting further and further from comps. I guess it is time to change the title of this to: Vegas the guidebook. AKA Listen to me I know what’s best.

17) The “$20 trick”

Vaguely related to comps in that you want something for free ($20).

Rants first.

I am sick of it. I sick of seeing it, sick of hearing about it, sick of people saying it only works if you fold the bill a certain way and sandwich it between two pieces of vellum made from the scrotum of a long extinct wooly hypersloth and has been blessed by both the space pope and the turtle pope. Just sick of it.

It is pure click-bait.

It is not even a trick, up front gratuities have been used for thousands of years to try and receive preferential treatment. They were called offerings. Slipping the waiter a few bills has been around since before Vegas. Don’t teach me how to suck eggs.

It rarely ever works. You think $20 is going to get you an upgrade from scum class to a suite, big spender? (“One art please…”).

The hotel would rather gamble that someone else will come along and pay full retail for the suite or at least a healthy upgrade fee. Follow the money.

You don’t think every other drooling person in line with you doesn’t have a folded bill somewhere on their person? Practically pissing themselves with excitement over thoughts of the luxurious penthouse they are about to be upgraded to?

I can already hear the pitchforks being sharpened as the torch wielding crowd gathers on my steps.

“It worked for me you idiot” they all scream.

Note I said rarely. In the few cases it actually worked, you probably could have gotten it anyway by politely asking.

As for myself I simply make any requests I have at check-in, evaluate the costs if any and decide if I want them or not. When my transaction is over I tip the person. I don’t dangle the tip as an enticement. I simply hand it over, openly.

So how much do I tip them?

“Bet its $20, he’s such a hypocrite”

Lately I have been tipping $40 at check in. Stop spluttering over there. I am checking in to upwards of $3600 retail of luxury hotel room at a total cost to me of $0. $40 almost seems embarrassingly low. (I would throw em $50, but don’t get caught with a $50 dollar bill in Vegas)

That piddling $40 makes a difference in the day of the person checking you in. I know because I have watched the guy in front of me (who I happen to know is a big fish, bordering on small whale) but stiffs the staff (at least check in and beverage servers in my first hand experience) get very polite and very efficient check in service.

When I step up I get big smiles and friendly greetings about being back in town and lots of “anything else I can do for you” That and the mutters of “tightwad” when the whale is out of earshot.

Remember Vegas runs on tips.

18) Vegas etiquette.

Hey, who went and made you Miss Manners?

There was a vote.

I get it, what is annoying and cringe worthy to one is a reality show to another. But hopefully we can find some common ground.

First of all public behavior, actually last of all public behavior, because I could give a rats ass about your behavior in private.

Look I get it, it’s vegas baby. Everything is turned up several notches, maybe all the way to 11. We all get it, even antisocial curmudgeons such as myself.

Drinks flow freely, money is at stake, tempers run hot.

But before you break out in that screaming match (or violent fight) with the person that doesn’t agree with you absolutely 100%. At least take it out of the casino. Preferably out to the street where somebody can make odds on the fight without getting in trouble with the casino bookies.

Give me $100 on the nerd with the t-shirt that reads “Picard wasn’t always right”

Give me $100 on the nerd with the t-shirt that reads “Picard wasn’t always wrong”

I have heard marriages unravel at 110 decibels 5 rows back over who gets the
last $5 ticket.

Speaking of money… Don’t

Don’t talk about money with other gamblers you don’t know or even those you do.

What do you mean, don’t talk about money in Vegas? This guy has lost it.

Not exactly, it is considered mildly rude to downright gauche to ask someone how much money they gamble, lose, stake, win. Don’t ask them how much they earn or how they afford to gamble like they do.

If someone volunteers that info all is good. Just don’t be nosy.

Speaking of money and other things. Here is one everyone should hopefully know. Never touch anybody’s money. Never touch their chips, slot tickets, cards, cash, dice, even the slot machine they are playing, never touch the spin button, handle, screen, or in any way interact with any gaming apparatus that is not yours.

If someone invites you to, that is fine. In Vegas no means no, silence means no, only an explicit offer means yes.

Anything to do with the act of gambling is the “bad touch area” in Vegas

I won’t even begin to talk about table game etiquette. Whole new sets of rules there.

There are lots more Vegas quirks. But nothing to get you in too much trouble, someone might educate you if you cross one. Don’t take offense, they are just helping you fit in.

19) Tipping

Since we have touched on it before and it crosses into etiquette lets hash out
tipping.

Do what you want. You are not going to get kicked out of anywhere for not tipping. You are not going to get free penthouses comped for tipping like you are a slot machine paying off.

All I can do is give you an example. Unfortunately the only example I have laying around is me.

So I will break with my personal etiquette and talk about how much I tip and how much overall I spend on tips.

Remember this only applies to my dubious concept of morality and should not be taken as a guideline for anyone else.

Unless you think I am a nice charming suave and deboner example of humanity and I am correct in all ways shapes and forms. In that case thank you (Do you have a single older sister who likes to gamble?)

First a story.

“No anything but that, please no… you can have my sister”

I avow this is an absolutely 100% true story. For once none of the details have been changed, not one word.

I was in Vegas for my one “big” gambling trip of the year. This was the early 90s and it was the trip I saved all my other winnings from other trips for. Along with every nickel dime and quarter glass gallon jars could hold.

I wasn’t flush by any means but I had started my first “good” paying job a few years back and I was no longer “poor”.

In Vegas I had a steady diet of 5 coin quarter slots and quarter video poker. I had even ventured into the world of $1 slots (2 coins in, whew) . I was doing fair to good so I decided to take the plunge into $1 video poker. That’s $5 bucks a hand folks. I was in the NYNY and back then the higher denom video poker was over on one wall, three or four rows of machines.

There was one older (older? He was younger than I am now.) gentleman playing on the row I wanted to play at but the rows were 5 or 6 machines wide. Yes a bank of 15 or more VP machines with good pay tables all in a bunch, current VP players are sobbing. I sat a few machines away from him. I had picked a JOB 9/6 machine ,I had diligently memorized the perfect play strategy for JOB and I wouldn’t play too fast so as not to make mistakes. (if you don’t play VP trust me this all makes sense) and plunked my racked $500 in $1 coins in front of me. These were nice comfy slant tops. My plan? Play 100 hands and see what my return was.

I started playing. The other gentleman was playing at about the same pace as me, let’s see what happens.

I noticed something different about his racks. Shit, those are $5 coins, he is playing $25 a hand. That unnerved me a bit but I shook it off and kept playing.

Back then when you wanted to play a denom greater than a quarter or 50 cents. You used house coins (like chips but bigger, heavier, and metal. $25 coins were impressive and $100 coins would make lethal weapons.

It wasn’t very long until a cocktail waitress came along and took our orders. Up until this point I had been tipping a buck either a dollar coin or 4 quarters. That felt like a big tip as a beer or a well drink was only normally a buck or so if you paid for it. I felt like, well… if not a big roller, a nice little roller, some kind of roller.

The cocktail waitress came back and served the other guy first. The sound of a big $5 coin hitting her tray startled me. I glanced over at them and the gentleman looked me in the eye and said these exact words:

“Son, if you don’t have money to toke, you don’t have money to gamble.”

He then went back to playing $25 a hand.

I swear I saw him nod without even looking when I slipped a second $1 coin to the waitress when I tipped her.

To this day I await the day the exact right situation occurs where I can say those immortal words to an up and coming gambler.

Story time over.

Back to what I tip.

I bring an envelope with me that has about $500 in smaller bills $5s, 10$, 20$ and tip from that. In this day and age I never tip less than $5.

Someone brings me a water $5, someone carries or handles my luggage $5.

Limo driver from airport $40
Limo driver to airport $40
Front desk check in $40

Housekeeping brings me an extra towel or robe $5

Daily housekeeping $20-$40 depending on the size/luxury level of the room.

Basically I tip in increments of $5,$10,$20,$40 etc… depending on the size and value of the service being performed.

Now this does not count tips at restaurants, tip(excuse me, well lined thank you card) for my host.

That $500 is what I consider walking around tipping money. I usually come home with a half or a little less of it. Most of it goes to check in/housekeeping/limo driver. The rest to cocktail waitresses. I don’t drink but I do want my water, coffee and soft drinks. Several of them know me and just keep an eye on me and bring me a top up when needed. They definitely
talk to each other. I ventured into a corner of the casino floor I don’t usually go into to try a new machine. Barely 5 minutes pass and a lovely gal shows up with a water and a T&B lots of lime. “Have you been stalking me?” I ask in a vain attempt to be social.

“No, Susie told me to look out for you while you were over here”

And people say good customer service is dead.